I went to a little Bible group the other day. It was their first meeting, and it was a little awkward. We were all facing each other, there was no loud speaker to make a distinction from leader and congregation. I was just trying to not focus on the little things and, being the ultra-spiritual person that I am, press in past all the annoyances. Then it hit me. It was not anything I did. I honestly was not expecting much with all the setbacks. It was not like there was a special worship leader or the perfect song that triggered it. It just happened.
God was there. I felt Him. It was so...awesome. I mean, can you imagine, the God of everything being with us, with our little group of 10 or 15? It's like, you know that God will never leave you or forsake you, yeah, yeah, BUT...when you feel Him hovering over your little sacrifice, and the light of His glory is making it so plain how pathetic the life you are giving Him really is, and yet you can feel the love completely overwhelming any emotion or thought that does not involve Him. You know. You KNOW.
He is simply incomprehensible. Any attempt to understand God and His complete grandiousness either ends up in belittling His plans or a completely shutting down the brain. God is truly indescribable.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Back from Summer
I have not posted in a while. It was a long glorious summer. God did a lot of things in my life. Now, I am a college student, and once again I am forced to see how the school ideals, philosiphies, and past times fit into God's picture. And a lot of times it just doesn't.
The trick this year is going to be learning to be so comfortable in God and God's love for me that nothing else matters. There are going to be times when I am just going to have to stand out or sell out. When it comes down to it, any social problems that comes along during the next four years is peanuts. If all it takes is some criticism to shut me up, than I need to rethink my Christianity. If I stay silent, than I need to face the fact that I am living a lie.
One of the big things that God dealt with me this summer is that most our excuses for not living completely for God come from not really believing that God is who He says He is. There is a verse in the Bible that says a person's mind belongs to God because He trusts in God. So, when we have trouble with bad thoughts, lust, anger, or simply having trouble focusing when we pray, it is because we do not believe God is big enough to handle our problems. One preacher said that telling other people about God and worshiping God is a natural reaction to how we feel about God. So when we stay silent, when we have nothing to say, it just means that we do not think that God is all that great.
So this school year, I want to live for God and nothing else. I cannot say in my heart and sing in church how great God is, and yet not say anything when crunch time comes. I will not be meek, I will not be shy, and I will not live a lie. I will not be ashamed to take some criticism for my love for God. The God who sees and made everything. The God who holds the billions of galaxies in his hand. The God who looked down through all the stars, all the planets, all the people, and chose me to live for Him. The Maker of the Universe, The Holy One, The Ungraspable Being, He loves me. Therefore, I will give my all to Him now and for all eternity.
The trick this year is going to be learning to be so comfortable in God and God's love for me that nothing else matters. There are going to be times when I am just going to have to stand out or sell out. When it comes down to it, any social problems that comes along during the next four years is peanuts. If all it takes is some criticism to shut me up, than I need to rethink my Christianity. If I stay silent, than I need to face the fact that I am living a lie.
One of the big things that God dealt with me this summer is that most our excuses for not living completely for God come from not really believing that God is who He says He is. There is a verse in the Bible that says a person's mind belongs to God because He trusts in God. So, when we have trouble with bad thoughts, lust, anger, or simply having trouble focusing when we pray, it is because we do not believe God is big enough to handle our problems. One preacher said that telling other people about God and worshiping God is a natural reaction to how we feel about God. So when we stay silent, when we have nothing to say, it just means that we do not think that God is all that great.
So this school year, I want to live for God and nothing else. I cannot say in my heart and sing in church how great God is, and yet not say anything when crunch time comes. I will not be meek, I will not be shy, and I will not live a lie. I will not be ashamed to take some criticism for my love for God. The God who sees and made everything. The God who holds the billions of galaxies in his hand. The God who looked down through all the stars, all the planets, all the people, and chose me to live for Him. The Maker of the Universe, The Holy One, The Ungraspable Being, He loves me. Therefore, I will give my all to Him now and for all eternity.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Illuminate: 0
I am nothing. In the scale of the universe i am infitesinetly small. From movies, I can see a normal sized person standing on the should of a montrous giant with the little man's head not even as high as the big man's chin. If, however, there was a little ant on the little man, that is even too big for what I would be if i sat on the shoulder of God.
Even in size to the world I live in, I am nothing. In the words of Louie Giglio, 99.99999999999999% of the people on earth do not know my name. I am nobody.
And in that moment, I realize that all of a sudden I have nothing to do. I have just been demoted, debunked, downsized from my all important place in society. The hope of the next generation with honors and awards and schalorships, and they mean nothing. Faced with the immenseness of God, anything I have means nothing.
Yet God still spent a lot of time on ME. He designed me, he planned out my life and my friends and my family, he created a special master plan to get Jesus to come to this earth for a little minute speck in His astounding creation.
"I am nothing, but I know I AM" The only significant achievement in my life is knowing God. The only attribute that makes me special or worthwhile to anyone is that I know God. The only thing of value that I can bring to the world, to my job, to my church is not my brain or my organizational skills or my personality. They mean nothing. Only God matters.
Dear God, i am not. The moment you releved your holiness to me, I was left with nothing of mine that seemed of value. I have nothing to give, nothing to do. In this state of nothingness I come to you and stand in awe. I would rather spend all of my days and all of my night just standing here in the assurance that I know you than to waste my time in the nothingness that I have been doing. I am your servant, O Lord, waiting forever for your bidding. I LOVE YOU!!
in Jesus Name, Amen.
Even in size to the world I live in, I am nothing. In the words of Louie Giglio, 99.99999999999999% of the people on earth do not know my name. I am nobody.
And in that moment, I realize that all of a sudden I have nothing to do. I have just been demoted, debunked, downsized from my all important place in society. The hope of the next generation with honors and awards and schalorships, and they mean nothing. Faced with the immenseness of God, anything I have means nothing.
Yet God still spent a lot of time on ME. He designed me, he planned out my life and my friends and my family, he created a special master plan to get Jesus to come to this earth for a little minute speck in His astounding creation.
"I am nothing, but I know I AM" The only significant achievement in my life is knowing God. The only attribute that makes me special or worthwhile to anyone is that I know God. The only thing of value that I can bring to the world, to my job, to my church is not my brain or my organizational skills or my personality. They mean nothing. Only God matters.
Dear God, i am not. The moment you releved your holiness to me, I was left with nothing of mine that seemed of value. I have nothing to give, nothing to do. In this state of nothingness I come to you and stand in awe. I would rather spend all of my days and all of my night just standing here in the assurance that I know you than to waste my time in the nothingness that I have been doing. I am your servant, O Lord, waiting forever for your bidding. I LOVE YOU!!
in Jesus Name, Amen.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Illuminate: I don't know
I have this itching inside of me right now. I am glad it is there, but it is really consuming. It won't let me stay where I am, it won't let me be content with the mundane, and it won't leave me alone. This itch, is an itch for the people of the world. It is the Holy Spirit quickening my soul and setting me apart for God's purpose for me. Everywhere I turn, the thing I got some pleasure out of before or mindlessly put up with are turning into loathsome mundane burdens. It means I HAVE to keep looking beyond my classes, beyond my friends, beyond this minute knowledge I think I have of God. I want more. I need more.
God I do not know now where I am going are specifically what I was put on this earth to do. All I know at this moment is that I was made to give glory to you and to spread your renown all around the world, and that is enough. Send me where you need me, God. I am ready.
God I do not know now where I am going are specifically what I was put on this earth to do. All I know at this moment is that I was made to give glory to you and to spread your renown all around the world, and that is enough. Send me where you need me, God. I am ready.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Illuminate: A Part of Why God Made Me
A little while ago, I was reading a book for AP Literature. I did not really like the book because the ideas were contrary to the truth of God, but I found myself really enjoying trying to understand the book. It has always been a part of my personality to love interpreting works of literature, searching for what the author is saying, and analyzing symbols.
Now, this kinda upset me. I know that God made me the way he did on purpose, and that for me to enjoy something so thoroughly there must be a reason. How was I supposed to use this enjoyment of analyzing literature full of lies that go against the Word to give glory to God? What a useful personality quirk to have. Maybe I could give glory to God by doing well in English class, but what good would it do me after school? I know i am not supposed to spend my life reading junk. I could write a deep, symbolic book, but then it would only be appreciated by other poor unfortunate souls who enjoyed interpreting literature too. And so I wondered, why on earth would God make me so that I enjoyed something so useless and disgusting?
I didn't have to wonder for long. A couple of days later, I was reading my Bible and the answer hit me. You see, I was enjoying reading my Bible. That enjoyment that I have for interpreting Shakespeare and Emerson also applies to the ultimate book, the Bible. I love reading my Bible! God has given me a passion and a hunger for searching out the these things, and it makes me want to spend the time to understand what I am reading. This is a very big deal to me because I have friends who hate reading and it is hard for them to get into the Bible. So, what I thought was a stupid and pointless coincidence actually turned out to be a gift from God and one of the ones I am most thankful for.
So, the moral of this story is God really does know what He is doing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and those personality quirks that are inside of you were put there by the Creator of the Universe. Those passions inside of you were gifts that you get use to glorify God.
Now, this kinda upset me. I know that God made me the way he did on purpose, and that for me to enjoy something so thoroughly there must be a reason. How was I supposed to use this enjoyment of analyzing literature full of lies that go against the Word to give glory to God? What a useful personality quirk to have. Maybe I could give glory to God by doing well in English class, but what good would it do me after school? I know i am not supposed to spend my life reading junk. I could write a deep, symbolic book, but then it would only be appreciated by other poor unfortunate souls who enjoyed interpreting literature too. And so I wondered, why on earth would God make me so that I enjoyed something so useless and disgusting?
I didn't have to wonder for long. A couple of days later, I was reading my Bible and the answer hit me. You see, I was enjoying reading my Bible. That enjoyment that I have for interpreting Shakespeare and Emerson also applies to the ultimate book, the Bible. I love reading my Bible! God has given me a passion and a hunger for searching out the these things, and it makes me want to spend the time to understand what I am reading. This is a very big deal to me because I have friends who hate reading and it is hard for them to get into the Bible. So, what I thought was a stupid and pointless coincidence actually turned out to be a gift from God and one of the ones I am most thankful for.
So, the moral of this story is God really does know what He is doing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and those personality quirks that are inside of you were put there by the Creator of the Universe. Those passions inside of you were gifts that you get use to glorify God.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Illuminate: A Little Part of God
The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation.
-Exodus 15:2, Isiah 12:2, Psalms 118:14
This is the verse that I have been meditating on lately. Each day I think on it something new comes up. This one verse covers a LOT of ground.
Right off the bat, we know it has to be important because the EXACT same verse is found at least three times in the Bible, in three different books, by three different authors, written thousands of years apart! God truly is amazing and never changing.
When you start thinking about this verse during a period of time, you begin to see how versatile it is. To me, it most strongly speaks to me about the journey God and I are on. He has great things for me to do, but He does not expect me to do them on my own. Since He was the one who got me into this, He is most definitely going to see me through to the finish. And what are just some of the things He will be to me on this journey?
Strength- No matter what I have to do, He will give me the physical ability to do them.
Song- The Lord will be my inspiration and the passion to go forward. He is my emotional stabilizer, my creative consultant, and my joy producer.
Finally, He has become my Salvation- The most important element of all, it is a promise that all this is worth while. Salvation is security for my eternity and the reason for my journey.
So in this verse, God is essentially saying that He will take car of you on your journey. He has given us the ability to do the job, the fire to do it, and the promise that it will al be worth while.
-Exodus 15:2, Isiah 12:2, Psalms 118:14
This is the verse that I have been meditating on lately. Each day I think on it something new comes up. This one verse covers a LOT of ground.
Right off the bat, we know it has to be important because the EXACT same verse is found at least three times in the Bible, in three different books, by three different authors, written thousands of years apart! God truly is amazing and never changing.
When you start thinking about this verse during a period of time, you begin to see how versatile it is. To me, it most strongly speaks to me about the journey God and I are on. He has great things for me to do, but He does not expect me to do them on my own. Since He was the one who got me into this, He is most definitely going to see me through to the finish. And what are just some of the things He will be to me on this journey?
Strength- No matter what I have to do, He will give me the physical ability to do them.
Song- The Lord will be my inspiration and the passion to go forward. He is my emotional stabilizer, my creative consultant, and my joy producer.
Finally, He has become my Salvation- The most important element of all, it is a promise that all this is worth while. Salvation is security for my eternity and the reason for my journey.
So in this verse, God is essentially saying that He will take car of you on your journey. He has given us the ability to do the job, the fire to do it, and the promise that it will al be worth while.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Illuminating: India
So, I just finished an assignment recently on religious violence in India। In the breadth of doing this project, about a month, 20 people died. Most of these people are Muslims, the one of the major religions in India, but one of the most oppressed, for percentage of persecution per population, is Christianity. One resource I found actually gave about 300 incidents towards Christians in 6 months. That is almost two incidents everyday, and each "incident" can be anything from a house being burned, to a woman being raped, to hundreds of Christians being murdered on the street.
India has always been important to me. I have always loved the colorful culture and unique style associated with the country, but it is also more than just that. When I was a little girl actually dreamed about going to India, actually had a dream. I was wrapped up in a colorful sari surrounded by children. Looking away from the story I was telling them, I saw men outside working in the dirt outside, white men and brown men, constructing buildings and singing as they worked. I dreamed of a peaceful India singing praises to God.
The India that is today, however, is a turbulent, tense land. Much of the violence that happens each day can be attributed to hate and revenge. This type of cycle does not stop on its own. What India needs is a transformation, and as the Bible says you must be transformed by the renewing of your mind, which only comes from God.
India has always been important to me. I have always loved the colorful culture and unique style associated with the country, but it is also more than just that. When I was a little girl actually dreamed about going to India, actually had a dream. I was wrapped up in a colorful sari surrounded by children. Looking away from the story I was telling them, I saw men outside working in the dirt outside, white men and brown men, constructing buildings and singing as they worked. I dreamed of a peaceful India singing praises to God.
The India that is today, however, is a turbulent, tense land. Much of the violence that happens each day can be attributed to hate and revenge. This type of cycle does not stop on its own. What India needs is a transformation, and as the Bible says you must be transformed by the renewing of your mind, which only comes from God.
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