Back from Summer

I have not posted in a while. It was a long glorious summer. God did a lot of things in my life. Now, I am a college student, and once again I am forced to see how the school ideals, philosiphies, and past times fit into God's picture. And a lot of times it just doesn't.

The trick this year is going to be learning to be so comfortable in God and God's love for me that nothing else matters. There are going to be times when I am just going to have to stand out or sell out. When it comes down to it, any social problems that comes along during the next four years is peanuts. If all it takes is some criticism to shut me up, than I need to rethink my Christianity. If I stay silent, than I need to face the fact that I am living a lie.

One of the big things that God dealt with me this summer is that most our excuses for not living completely for God come from not really believing that God is who He says He is. There is a verse in the Bible that says a person's mind belongs to God because He trusts in God. So, when we have trouble with bad thoughts, lust, anger, or simply having trouble focusing when we pray, it is because we do not believe God is big enough to handle our problems. One preacher said that telling other people about God and worshiping God is a natural reaction to how we feel about God. So when we stay silent, when we have nothing to say, it just means that we do not think that God is all that great.

So this school year, I want to live for God and nothing else. I cannot say in my heart and sing in church how great God is, and yet not say anything when crunch time comes. I will not be meek, I will not be shy, and I will not live a lie. I will not be ashamed to take some criticism for my love for God. The God who sees and made everything. The God who holds the billions of galaxies in his hand. The God who looked down through all the stars, all the planets, all the people, and chose me to live for Him. The Maker of the Universe, The Holy One, The Ungraspable Being, He loves me. Therefore, I will give my all to Him now and for all eternity.

Illuminate: 0

I am nothing. In the scale of the universe i am infitesinetly small. From movies, I can see a normal sized person standing on the should of a montrous giant with the little man's head not even as high as the big man's chin. If, however, there was a little ant on the little man, that is even too big for what I would be if i sat on the shoulder of God.

Even in size to the world I live in, I am nothing. In the words of Louie Giglio, 99.99999999999999% of the people on earth do not know my name. I am nobody.

And in that moment, I realize that all of a sudden I have nothing to do. I have just been demoted, debunked, downsized from my all important place in society. The hope of the next generation with honors and awards and schalorships, and they mean nothing. Faced with the immenseness of God, anything I have means nothing.

Yet God still spent a lot of time on ME. He designed me, he planned out my life and my friends and my family, he created a special master plan to get Jesus to come to this earth for a little minute speck in His astounding creation.

"I am nothing, but I know I AM" The only significant achievement in my life is knowing God. The only attribute that makes me special or worthwhile to anyone is that I know God. The only thing of value that I can bring to the world, to my job, to my church is not my brain or my organizational skills or my personality. They mean nothing. Only God matters.


Dear God, i am not. The moment you releved your holiness to me, I was left with nothing of mine that seemed of value. I have nothing to give, nothing to do. In this state of nothingness I come to you and stand in awe. I would rather spend all of my days and all of my night just standing here in the assurance that I know you than to waste my time in the nothingness that I have been doing. I am your servant, O Lord, waiting forever for your bidding. I LOVE YOU!!

in Jesus Name, Amen.

Illuminate: I don't know

I have this itching inside of me right now. I am glad it is there, but it is really consuming. It won't let me stay where I am, it won't let me be content with the mundane, and it won't leave me alone. This itch, is an itch for the people of the world. It is the Holy Spirit quickening my soul and setting me apart for God's purpose for me. Everywhere I turn, the thing I got some pleasure out of before or mindlessly put up with are turning into loathsome mundane burdens. It means I HAVE to keep looking beyond my classes, beyond my friends, beyond this minute knowledge I think I have of God. I want more. I need more.

God I do not know now where I am going are specifically what I was put on this earth to do. All I know at this moment is that I was made to give glory to you and to spread your renown all around the world, and that is enough. Send me where you need me, God. I am ready.

Illuminate: A Part of Why God Made Me

A little while ago, I was reading a book for AP Literature. I did not really like the book because the ideas were contrary to the truth of God, but I found myself really enjoying trying to understand the book. It has always been a part of my personality to love interpreting works of literature, searching for what the author is saying, and analyzing symbols.

Now, this kinda upset me. I know that God made me the way he did on purpose, and that for me to enjoy something so thoroughly there must be a reason. How was I supposed to use this enjoyment of analyzing literature full of lies that go against the Word to give glory to God? What a useful personality quirk to have. Maybe I could give glory to God by doing well in English class, but what good would it do me after school? I know i am not supposed to spend my life reading junk. I could write a deep, symbolic book, but then it would only be appreciated by other poor unfortunate souls who enjoyed interpreting literature too. And so I wondered, why on earth would God make me so that I enjoyed something so useless and disgusting?

I didn't have to wonder for long. A couple of days later, I was reading my Bible and the answer hit me. You see, I was enjoying reading my Bible. That enjoyment that I have for interpreting Shakespeare and Emerson also applies to the ultimate book, the Bible. I love reading my Bible! God has given me a passion and a hunger for searching out the these things, and it makes me want to spend the time to understand what I am reading. This is a very big deal to me because I have friends who hate reading and it is hard for them to get into the Bible. So, what I thought was a stupid and pointless coincidence actually turned out to be a gift from God and one of the ones I am most thankful for.

So, the moral of this story is God really does know what He is doing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and those personality quirks that are inside of you were put there by the Creator of the Universe. Those passions inside of you were gifts that you get use to glorify God.